Taffy Did NOT Like the New Hawaii Five-O!!!

So I watched the premiere of the CBS re-boot of Hawaii Five - O. Yeah, the pilot obviously cost a fortune because it looked great but it was so goddamn boring that I don't see this show as being anything but a big fat ass hit! Sure, it was impressive that the first few minutes had Norman Reedus & the awesome James Marsters (dude is 50 years old! What does he eat?) but Reedus can't do accents and Marsters shot the always dependable William Sandler in the head within the first 10 minutes. Way to blow your load too early in the game. Cliche character vendettas (you killed my father) and actors constantly blurting exposition aside, there were other problems that stuck in my craw:

1) Far too much of this:

Bros Before Hoes!

Alex O'Loughlin is an actor so charisma free, that when I looked him up on IMDB, I was baffled to find that I've seen 3 movies that he was in but I could not remember him! On a show in which I was able to link almost every principal and secondary actor to another project without having to look them up, that is not a good thing. Although I feel he is the most forgettable man alive, my sister had a higher opinion of him. She described his face as "punchable". Scott Caan is serviceable enough that I actually have nothing of note to say but my sister says that he is also "punchable". However, Dano has the exact same ring tone on his phone that I do, so I kept reaching for my cell phone every time the characters ex-wife called him on the show and that is just irritating.

2) Nowhere near enough of this:

There is NEVER Enough of This!

My expectations for this show were this "Hey! There are Asians in lead roles! I am going to watch this show!". Boy was I wrong on that idea, really wrong. Daniel Dae Kim is one one of the better known of Asian-American actors and yet he is still a fucking side-kick! It's been 43 years since the Green Hornet, COME ON! I can only wish that Bruce Lee is spinning in his grave! Then maybe he could spin right out of it and fucking kick the shows producers right in their junk for this bullshit! Are we in 2010 or not? It's even worse for actress Grace Park, who I know Fanboys LOVE. She is only there to fulfill the action cliche of "Hot Asian Chick Who Kicks Ass" and is given little else to do. But what else can an actress do when her characters only personality trait is punching people in fits of rage:

Maybe Her Paycheque is at the Base of His Skull.

Her dialogue was pathetically limited and her scenes required that she wear almost nothing as other people ogled her. She is practically the poster girl for Yellow Fever and that insult is not meant for her, it's meant for the men who limit themselves. Yeah, yeah, I know..."that's what she's there for" the penises of the world say. Well, my hetro vagina expects more from her but it also expects more of this:

Why Yes, I Would Like Some Sex On the Beach With You, Sir!

Do the producers think that hot Asian guys do not go to the beach? Because that photo is evidence that they do. I think that it is high time to start eroticising Asian men. It is kind of impossible to say something like that without sound like a total asshole but I cannot think of any other way to say it. They are just as hot as everyone else people! Maybe they will feature more of Kim in the future, but I am not sticking around to find out.